|
Post by PeterB on Sept 3, 2007 2:15:44 GMT -4
Another citizenship test, proposed in an article in the Age newspaper of late last week, by Catherine Deveny.
= = = =
LANGUAGE 1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the ar$e"?
2. What is a mole?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."
CUSTOMS 1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother … b) You're going home in the back of a … c) Fair suck of the …
3. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl? [personally, I think his name should be Dazza, and his wife should be Shazza...]
FOOD 1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
2. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and other dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup? [or a choko]
5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been nicked from a bath full of ice?
6. When you go to a bring-your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
CULTURE 1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?
3. Who would you like to crack on to?
4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
5. Is there someone you are only mates with because
- they own a trailer or - have a pool?
6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?
The people to be granted citizenship are the ones who call it a crock and cheat.
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 29, 2007 3:35:52 GMT -4
Another term which I assume is Australian is gutless wonder - someone showing a distinct lack of intestinal fortitude.
Incidentally, some of you might remember from my earlier posting on the subject, that my dear wife is up the duff. For those that don't remember or know, I'm sure you'll work it out... :-)
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 20, 2007 0:28:41 GMT -4
This was an email doing the rounds last year, and it gives a great tongue-in-cheek view of popular Australian culture. People who've read this thread should be able to answer a few of the questions... :-)
= = = =
New anti-terrorism laws: Aussie Citizenship Questionnaire
1. How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?
2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice or the beer in first?
3. Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner: a) At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40 degree heat. b) A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze and ham. In 40 degree heat. c) Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues fine?
4. How many beers in a slab?
5. Does "yeah-nah" mean a) Yes and no b) Maybe c) Yes I understand but no I don’t agree?
6. The phrases "strewth" and "flamin' dingo" can be attributed to which TV character: a) Toadie from Neighbours b) Alf from Home & Away c) Agro from Agro's Cartoon Connection d) Sgt. Tom Croydon from Blue Heelers?
7. When cooking a barbecue do you turn the sausages a) Once or twice b) As often as necessary to cook c) After each stubby d) Until charcoal?
8. Name three of the Daddo brothers.
9. Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?
10. Which option describes your ideal summer afternoon: a) Drinking beer at a mate's place b) Drinking beer at the beach c) Drinking beer watching the cricket/footy d) Drinking beer at a mate's place while watching the cricket before going to the beach?
11. Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?
12. How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?
13. How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?
14. Who are Scott and Charlene?
15. How do you apply your tomato sauce to a meat pie a) Squirt and spread with finger b) Sauce injection straight into the middle?
16. If the police raided your home would you: a) Allow them to rummage through your personal items b) Phone up the nearest talkback radio shock jock and complain c) Put a written complaint in to John Howard and expect that he answers it personally?
17. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?
18. Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?
19. Thongs are: a) Skimpy underwear b) Casual footwear c) They're called jandals, bro d) Japanese Safety Boots
20. On which Ashes tour did Warney's hair look the best? 1993, 1997, 2001 or 2005?
21. What someone is more likely to die of? a) Red Back Spider b) Great White Shark c) Victorian Police Officer d) King Brown Snake e) Your missus after a big night f) Dropbear
22. How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?
23. Can you sing along to Cold Chisel's “Khe Sanh”?
24. Explain both the "follow-on" and "LBW" rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter.
25. Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.
26. Who is current Australian test cricket captain? a) Ricky Ponting b) Don Bradman c) John Howard d) Makybe Diva
27. Is it best to take a sickie: a) When the cricket's on b) When the cricket's on c) When the cricket's on?
28. What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?
29. What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?
30. What are Budgie smugglers?
31. Did you cry when Molly died on “A Country Practice”?
32. A "Hopoate" is: a) A breed of kangaroo b) A kind of Australian "wedgie" c) A disgraced Rugby League player?
33. What does having a chunder mean?
34. When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?
35. What do the following terms mean: a) Mate? b) Maaate c) Maaaaate?
36. Best Aussie name is: a) Cheryl b) Charlene c) Bazza d) Thommo e) Shazza?
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 20, 2007 0:14:52 GMT -4
Incidentally, I was away from work last Friday with a bout of food poisoning. Led to me damaging the Doulton for a while.
In case this makes no sense, Doulton is (was?) a manufacturer of toilet bowls.
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 15, 2007 20:44:32 GMT -4
A few more slang terms:
Cozzie: Swimming costume.
Budgie smugglers: men's Speedos.
Budgie: Budgerigar (small parrot, popular pet).
Brekky: Breakfast.
Bikkie: Biscuit (what Americans would call a cookie).
Barbie: Barbecue.
Arvo: Afternoon.
Garbo: Person who collects the garbage, or who drives a garbage truck.
Postie: Postman.
Galah: Idiot (named for a small cockatoo famous for its antics and loud screech, emphasis on second syllable). Often applied to stupid drivers.
Cockie: Cockatoo. Also a term for a farmer.
Back of Bourke: A long way away (Bourke is a small town in the west of New South Wales).
Black Stump: Indeterminate location a long way away: "He lives somewhere out beyond the black stump."
Don't come the raw prawn: Don't try lying.
Shot through like a Bondi tram: Left in a hurry. (To save embarrassment, Bondi is pronounced BON-dye.)
Bonzer: Really good.
Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick: Could be worse.
Buckley's chance: Not likely. "Carlton have Buckley's chance of winning this footy match."
A more colourful version I've recently read (attributed to someone from half a century ago): "I've got more chance of shoving a pound of butter up a parrot's clacker with a red hot needle."
Clacker: Part of human anatomy used for defecation. Actually has a Latin origin, which I'll leave to your research.
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 15, 2007 20:22:15 GMT -4
I first heard of the word "chunder" in the Men At Work song, "Land Down Under." Since I'm a yank I had to figure out what it meant from the rest of the lyrics. I always thought that was a great term. I do love that song. It was very popular when Australia II won the America's Cup back in 1983, and it still crops up occasionally on the radio. It's probably an acquired taste, and sometimes I get a bit of a craving for it. It's main taste is salty, so it's similar to a number of other savoury spreads you might put on bread or toast. It goes well with a slice of cheese (noting that in Australia, cheese is yellow, not orange!). My oldest brother and his family spent a year or so in the USA back in 2003-04, and when I flew over to visit, I brought a stash of Aussie products unavailable in the USA. One of them was an enormous jar of Vegemite. My brother later told me that he spread some Vegemite on a piece of bread, and gave it to an American friend, telling them that it was a chocolate spread. I gave him a very reproachful look!
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 15, 2007 20:10:50 GMT -4
Do Aussies other than the late Steve Irwin really say "crikey"? Not since Steve Irwin started to get famous... ;-)
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 15, 2007 3:11:51 GMT -4
Okay then, time for a thread covering various terms in Australian slang.
I'll start with a few terms, and I'll add more as they come to mind. Other Aussies on the list may care to add some too...
Driving the porcelain bus: Vomiting into a toilet.
Talking to God on the Great White Telephone: Vomiting into a toilet.
Bogan/Westie: sort of urban redneck, usually identified by black T-shirt under flannelette shirt, ute and beer.
Ute: Utility, better known to Septics as a "pick-up truck".
Septic: American (rhyming slang: American = Yank > Septic Tank > Septic).
Cactus: something dead or not working: "Me ute's cactus!"
Fair dinkum: An expression of disbelief, or confirmation that something is genuine, real or true. NOTE: It isn't swearing! "Is that story fair dinkum?" "Yep." "Fair dinkum!"
Cockroach: a person from New South Wales.
Cane Toad or Banana Bender: a person from Queensland.
Crow Eater: a person from South Australia.
Sand Groper: a person from West Australia.
Taswegian: a person from Tasmania.
Figjam: a person who has a high opinion of himself: Crikey I'm Good, Just Ask Me.
G'day: Good Day.
Flat out like a lizard drinking: Busy.
Off like a bucket of prawns in the sun: Leaving in a hurry.
Two pot screamer: someone who gets drunk easily.
Root: Horizontal tango. NOTE: It doesn't meaing vocal support for your footy team!
Footy: Football.
Aerial ping-pong: What rugby league supporters call Australian Rules footy.
Bum sniffers: What Australian Rules footy supporters call rugby league players (understandable if you see a rugby scrum).
Yakka: work. Hard Yakka is the name of a company which makes work clothes, promoted by means of an iconic TV ad back in the 1980s - still makes me laugh when I think of it.
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 15, 2007 20:49:38 GMT -4
I haven't heard that one before.
The American usage which grates my teeth is "off of" - "He got off of the bed". "Of" is unnecessary.
A slip of language I'm hearing more frequently everywhere is using "is" (and equivalents) instead of "are" (and equivalents): "There is few blocks of land left for sale."
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 14, 2007 3:03:23 GMT -4
So Peter, is your problem really with "religion" or is it with the people who behave in this way? If they didn't have the excuse of religion, do you really think they would behave differently, or would they just find some other reason to hate each other? I know where my money is on this one. Once again, Grasshopper, you speak sense. :-) The problem with many religions is the people associated with it: ministers who live the good life off the tithes of their parishoners; Catholic priests who molest young boys and those in the hierarchy who protect them; so-called healers like Benny Hinn who do their utmost to keep seriously ill people away from themselves, because deep down they know they can't really heal people; the leaders of groups which send out their rank and file as suicide bombers; those who promote hatred of those not in their group; those who defend the sorts of people I've just listed. But as I said in my first post in this thread, I also have a problem with religion itself. It goes like this: I don't think God exists, any more than I think Zeus exists (I dare say, Jason, you don't think Zeus exists either, though I don't want to put words in your mouth); if God does exist, I assume he exists outside our universe, and has no ability to affect anything within the universe; and even if he does exist, I don't see the need to worship him, or build any theology around him. Following on from that, in my guitar post above, I also commented on the fact that there are many religions which claim to be the One True Faith. Even if the follower of every religion was a pacifist, there are inconsistencies between religions. These inconsistencies are such that someone making the wrong choice appears to be condemned to hell. Can I marry one woman only, or many? Can I eat pork? Can I drink alcohol? I've read an article suggesting that the more severe a religion's restrictions, the more cohesive that community, citing the very tight restrictions applying to Jains. That may be true, but how does relate to God? Does God want us to live such restricted lives? If so, why are so many devout people convinced lesser restrictions are God's intentions? Is God trying to confuse us? To me, a better explanation is that these restrictions are based on people's guesses as to what they think God's will is. Sadly, according to many religions, simply living a good, moral life isn't sufficient. But because I'm an honest atheist, any profession of faith I make is going to be disingenuous, so I'm destined for the Lake of Fire by that path too. No matter what I do, I'm destined for eternal punishment. :-o And that's another problem I have. Supposedly it's possible for people to experience an eternity of punishment for a finite amount of sin, whether religious or not. That seems a bit unfair...
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 13, 2007 2:23:17 GMT -4
Look at it this way. If I could play the guitar and I said "I think anyone who put the same effort I did into learning how to play the guitar could also learn how to play," would you think I was insulting those people who weren't interested in learning how to play the guitar in the first place? One of my problems with religion is, to use your analogy, people play all sorts of guitars - six string acoustic, electric, bass. Many of them are convinced their particular guitar is The One True Instrument, and some will even say that if you don't play the same guitar they play, you're going to guitar hell (welcome, here's your piano-accordion). Sometimes this can get to the extent of violence against people playing other types of guitars. My second problem is that there are some people who say that all guitars are really the same - after all, they're all guitars - and try to make it seem that the disputes over guitars aren't really that important, despite the violence which some perpetrate. My third problem is that there are other people out there who shake their heads knowingly at all you guitar players, because they know the One True Instrument is the violin. Disputes between guitar players make as much sense to violinists as an argument between two 9/11 Conspiracy Theorists over whether thermate or thermite was used to demolish the WTC towers makes to skeptics. My fourth problem is that most people play the same instrument their parents played. It's easy to believe that the main influence on which instrument people play is not whether the instrument selected is the One True Instrument, but the instrument the child heard played most in childhood.
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 13, 2007 1:55:29 GMT -4
I would say that some people definitely make atheism their religion. I agree. But that's not the case with me. I take your point, but that's not the point I was making. I was talking specifically about people who make an absurd logical connection - that not bothering to follow any religion is itself the selection of a religion.
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 10, 2007 3:33:52 GMT -4
G’day knight, and welcome to Apollohoax.
I’m not a religious person. On the last census form I marked “No Religion”. As for being atheist or agnostic, I sit somewhere between the two. I don’t think God exists, because I haven’t seen convincing evidence for it. If He does exist, then I think it’s unlikely He’d have the ability to affect things in our universe. Finally, if He does exist, I don’t see that as requiring worship in the way religions prescribe. Anyway, this assumes the Christian God exists – I see no more evidence for it than for the existence of, say, Zeus.
I particularly dislike the claim made by some religious people that not being religious is, in itself, a religious decision. As someone once said, not collecting stamps isn’t a hobby.
Likewise, I dislike the claim by some that all religions are worshipping the same God in different ways. To me, that’s a cop-out by religious people who want their religion, but don’t have the intellectual courage to accept the fact that various religions around the world have very different doctrines, doctrines which many are prepared to kill to defend.
For example, into this category I’d put Islamic apologists who say Islam is a religion of peace, and that Islamic suicide bombers are misrepresenting Islam. The problem is that virtually any position can be justified by reference to virtually any religion. People have their opinions and their religion, and most people do what they can to make the two match, regardless of how hard they have to twist their religion to fit. In my experience there are few people who change their religion to match their opinions, and fewer who change their opinions to match their religion.
For those who claim the wonderful legacies of religion, I don’t doubt it. Many churches, mosques and temples are beautiful buildings. Both Orthodox and Catholic Christianity has been responsible for some beautiful art. English religious music is wonderful to listen to. But religion has also brought many disasters on the world, both in commission and omission. There are many Christians whose behaviour has been conspicuously at odds with the claimed message of Jesus, and many more who’ve tried to defend their indefensible colleagues.
I find it startling and gratifying that four books have emerged in the last 12 months prominently supporting and promoting atheism – Sam Harris’s “Letter to a Christian Nation”, Richard Dawkins’s “The God Delusion”, Michel Onfray’s “Atheist Manifesto” and Christopher Hitchins’s “God is not Great”.
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 9, 2007 0:24:15 GMT -4
A couple of interesting issues here.
As far as I can tell, a lot of Byzantine sites in Turkey haven't yet been excavated. Some sites have been vandalised by modern Turks who just don't care about preserving old churches, as opposed to old mosques (for example, old monasteries in Trabzon). Likewise, Turkish authorities didn't stop filling a dam which flooded the site of an old Roman town called Zeugma, located on the Euphrates River. Archaeologists were able to recover some lovely material, but it's almost certain that a lot more was destroyed by the flooding, which we'll never know about.
On the other hand, authorities in Istanbul are restoring both the old Theodosian Walls and the Hagia Sophia mosaics, which I understand are exquisite art. The fact that both are great tourist attractions may be at the heart of things, but at least it shows a way forward: if enough people show interest in old Byzantine sites in the rest of Turkey, the money may be found to excavate them.
The other issue is the relationships between Catholic Europe, Byzantium and the various Islamic states. For example, the Crusaders thought the Byzantines weak and effete, given their enormous wealth and the infrequency with which they fought the Muslims. The Byzantines, by contrast, found the Crusaders boorish and violent. This was a spectacular clash of cultures. What the Crusaders thought was cowardice was, to the Byzantines, sensible diplomacy - why fight if you can achieve your objectives by other means?
But it goes beyond this. At its peak, Byzantine diplomacy was sublime. The simplest tricks were to bribe enemies to go home - sometimes cheaper than assembling your own army. Other tricks could be far more subtle. One of the best was writing letters addressed to the subordinate commanders of the enemy army, then arranging for them to be captured by the enemy commander, thus making him suspect treachery among his subordinates. As a result, the Byzantines at their best could conquer territory without actually fighting a battle, and even make those conquered feel grateful for the presence of the Byzantine army.
This is something the Crusaders didn't understand, at least while they were on their way to the Holy Land - the people in Europe motivated to go on Crusade were people who just wanted to fight the Saracen. But this attitude changed once they got to the Holy Land and found there were divisions which could be exploited.
On the other hand, while the Byzantines were often willing to make strategic alliances with Muslim states, they were also quite willing to go to war if that suited their need instead. Strangely enough, on some of these occasions, they found the Crusaders to be less than willing allies. The most notable example of this is the Emperor John Comnenus, who campaigned against Muslims in the Holy Land in the 1130s and 1140s. While besieging a Muslim city, his Crusader allies did nothing - in fact, the two Crusader princes spent most of their time playing dice with each other. Both were worried that if John captured the city, they'd be required to honour an agreement which would force them to exchange their current lands (quite safe from attack) for lands nearer the Muslim frontier.
Likewise, the Muslim attitude to all sorts of Christians varied from pragmatic acceptance to violent jihad, depending on the circumstances. Muslim states at the time of the First Crusade seriously underestimated its strength, thinking they had more serious problems to deal with - as the Crusaders unknowingly stumbled into a Sunni-Shia conflict. As a result, after the Crusaders captured Antioch, the Fatimid Caliph in Egypt (Shia) sent a delegation to them asking for an alliance. The Crusaders declined. The Crusaders had captured Antioch from Sunni Turks. They were then to capture Jerusalem from Shia Arabs, though it's unlikely they realised the difference.
When the Muslims were weak in the Holy Land, they dealt with the Crusaders, but when they were strong, such as under the Mamluk Sultanate of Egypt (after 1250), they were easily able to reduce the Crusader castles one by one.
When the Byzantine Empire went into decline in the late 13th century, Turkish ghazis were at the forefront, gradually pushing the Byzantines out of Asia. The offensive was unco-ordinated, as the nearest Turkish state (the Sultanate of Rum) had recently collapsed, but it quickly assumed the status of a jihad, which is why the soldiers called themselves ghazis (holy warriors), even though there was nothing more intrinsically religious about this offensive as compared with the Turkish occupation of Anatolia back in the late 11th century.
In summary, all three parties had the ability to be aggressive when strong, and would try to negotiate when weak. The main difference was that both the Byzantines and some Muslim states could manage aggression with style. The Crusaders rarely looked classy when aggressive, and many Muslim states were likewise violent and boorish when they had little to fear.
|
|
|
Post by PeterB on Aug 7, 2007 21:12:02 GMT -4
It's forgotten of course because the Turks destroyed it. Which may make it something of a dangerous topic today - an Islamic civilization destroying a Chrsitian one. I have to say I've never come across this explanation. Byzantium was the Forgotten Empire centuries ago, long before modern concerns about an Islamic Empire destroying a Christian one. In fact, it being forgotten may have more to do with a combination of jealousy and guilt - jealousy at the high level of wealth and civilisation maintained in Byzantium when Western Europe was going through the Dark Ages, and guilt that Western Christendom played a major role in weakening Byzantium, such that it could be conquered by the Turks.
|
|