Bill Thompson's List for April 1st.

[Bill Thompson]

April 1, as most know, is April Fool's Day.

My college newspaper used to love posting a fake newspaper on that day. IN the 80's they printed that World War III had started.

I am going to post stories in some forums on the Internet on this day.

They will be believable and detailed and well-written. And totally absurd. Yet I know most people will believe them. I am open to suggestions.

Here are the ideas I have so far:

• Joseph Smith's book of gold of the Mormon religion is real and was rediscovered in New England and is kept in Area 51 where scientists have struggled to debunk it. It is kept there secretly because knowledge of it would topple other Christian faiths. Here is where it gets good. I reveal this to a group of Mormon families visiting Comdex and they get in their minivans and trespass on the base and are arrested and never heard from again.
  
  
  
• Here is another one. ATF and the FBI have saved the bodies from the Waco siege and are not willing to give up David Koresh's remains because they have found his DNA is pure without any junk sequences.
  
  
  
• I have to come up with a good one about the Apollo Hoax. I still like the idea that I am an engineer hiding in Brazil with first hand proof that it was a hoax and I get Sibel all excited that I will do an interview. Maybe I will contact him on April First with a nice detailed letter and see if he makes it public. The only clue it is fake is that I am posting this here and I send it out on April First.
  
  
  
• Dolphins and Sting Rays are controlled by the CIA and Steve Irwin was killed to keep him silent his knowledge about the real fate of The Sky Lab that he discovered in the Out Back.
  
  
  
• The Klingons or some absurd fictitious thing was behind 911 and I dig up as many things to support the notion as possible just to mock the 911 conspiracy theorists.
  
  
• Sibel's real name is Subreal.
  
  
• The United States Air Force is decades ahead in technology than NASA. Shortly after World War II they secretly started a program where they launched huge payloads secretly into a solar orbit from the South Pacific. Later they found a way to hide all this mass of raw materials from humanity by keeping it in a clumsy orbit between the earth and the sun. They used all this stuff to secretly build and launch a star ship.
  
  
  
• Neanderthals were smarter than us. Hundreds of thousands of years ago there were advanced cities made of glass, steel and florgnorg in Europe occupied by a population of highly intellectual Neanderthals. This was in an age where our ancestors were more like chimpanzees and lived in a small valley in Africa. One day there was a back-to nature movement because the Neanderthals saw how their high-tech society might start hurting the environment. But there was a separate sect that decided they should and could advance to the stars. The Neanderthals that stayed behind came across prehistoric humans who out populated the Neanderthals and so they lost the competition for food. And this is why we have not gotten any SETI signals. The space bound Neanderthals hold a grudge for wiping out their cousins and have been jamming transmission from extra terrestrials.
  
  
  
• Madonna is upset that NBC had decided to edit a broadcast of a concert where she performs a mock beheading scene.
  

[jaydeehess]

The Klingons or some absurd fictitious thing was behind 911 and I dig up as many things to support the notion as possible just to mock the 911 conspiracy theorists.

Kligons ,, too transparent,,, but,,,,,,,,,,

Judy Woods and Morgan Reynolds just came out with a new theory about a 'beam weapon' being the cause of the WTC collapses. If SETI detected obvious transmissions from a far flung race of ETs in the minutes before the WTC collapses and one intrepid SETI worker (now hiding in Brazil, while posting on forums such as this one but claiming no specific education in the sciences ;D) also noted a return message originating from NSA or CIA hdqtrs , or from Earth orbit as each building fell you have both a SETI researcher and Woods/Reynolds to back you up that the reptilian masters of the Illuminati caused the collapses.

ooooh,, I like it

The Woods/Reynolds piece

[Al Johnston]

The Neanderthal one's been done: Alan Dean Foster's Glory Lane featured space-faring Neanderthals who explained that their ancestors had left Earth because the Cro-Magnons were just too gauche and uncultured.

[Bill Thompson]

alasdhair said:

The Neanderthal one's been done: Alan Dean Foster's Glory Lane featured space-faring Neanderthals who explained that their ancestors had left Earth because the Cro-Magnons were just too gauche and uncultured.

Great minds?

Alan Dean Foster must be a very intelligent and possibly also a great-looking person.

Well, I will have to strike that one from my list. Too bad. I was thinking of penning a Neanderthal Bible.

[Jason]

I've met Alan Dean Foster. He's okay-looking.

[Bill Thompson]

jaydeehess said:

The Klingons or some absurd fictitious thing was behind 911 and I dig up as many things to support the notion as possible just to mock the 911 conspiracy theorists.

Kligons ,, too transparent,,, but,,,,,,,,,,

Judy Woods and Morgan Reynolds just came out with a new theory about a 'beam weapon' being the cause of the WTC collapses. If SETI detected obvious transmissions from a far flung race of ETs in the minutes before the WTC collapses and one intrepid SETI worker (now hiding in Brazil, while posting on forums such as this one but claiming no specific education in the sciences ;D) also noted a return message originating from NSA or CIA hdqtrs , or from Earth orbit as each building fell you have both a SETI researcher and Woods/Reynolds to back you up that the reptilian masters of the Illuminati caused the collapses.

ooooh,, I like it

The Woods/Reynolds piece

We talked about this before. Maybe The Cardasians.

[Bill Thompson]

alasdhair said:

The Neanderthal one's been done: Alan Dean Foster's Glory Lane featured space-faring Neanderthals who explained that their ancestors had left Earth because the Cro-Magnons were just too gauche and uncultured.

But the reasons for the Neanderthals leaving was different. Maybe I can use it.

[Bill Thompson]

Added:

• Madonna is upset that NBC had decided to edit a broadcast of a concert where she performs a mock beheading scene.

[reynoldbot]

the one about Steve Irwin is in bad taste. If you have no respect for him you could at leat have respect for his family and leave well enough alone. Otherwise I have to say the rest of them sound pretty funny. I would especially like to see Sibrel make a trek all the way into Brazil for the proof.

[bazbear]

Bill Thompson's List for April 1st.
« Thread Started on Oct 24, 2006, 9:06pm »
April 1, as most know, is April Fool's Day.

Dang, and I've been complaining about the Christmas "push" coming earlier and earlier each year, your Fool's Day predictions blow that away!

[Jason]

I have the unreasoning fear that if we follow the current trend Christmas decorations will eventually be put up on July 5th every year.

[PhantomWolf]

Our shops are just getting into Christmas (well a few weeks back, right after Guty Fawkes, which was after Halloween, which was after.....)

[lazarusty]

Oxford has now decided to enforce copyright on every word defined within its dictionary. Although they have owned copyright on these words for some time, they have been pretty lax in policing it until now.

From April 1st, 2007, anyone using any of the words defined within the Oxford Dictionary, in any combination whatsoever, will be subject to paying royalty fees. This not only includes the written word such as books, notes on notepads, and pages on the internet, but also the spoken word. Anyone having a conversation which includes any words defined in the Oxford dictionary will have to pay up.

Policing this will be quite astronomical but worth it for those at Oxford who feel there has been far to much FREE loose talk over the years and that they have been ripped off for long enough. It will include every member of society having to wear a microphone around their necks (much like on the Big Brother TV show) and all phones will be wire-tapped and there will be special free access by Oxford to all communication on the net, even private chat rooms and emails.

The conversations (in whatever shape they take - spoken or written) will be monitored for each word used, and a bill will be calculated and sent to each member of society around the world at the end of the month.

It is yet unclear just how much will be charged per word but it is understood that different words will have different weights of cost depending on such thing as usage, importance, number of letters, number of syllables, and other things.

Already, human rights protestors are up in arms about the invasion of privacy, but if they want to have a say, they better do so before April 1st, after which they will be charged for every word on every placard.

[reynoldbot]

So how would that affect the constitutional right to free speech? Could we argue that free means both uncensored and void of payment?

Would this act end the use of the english language in the U.S.? I certainly could see Spanish as being the easy replacement.

P.S. I know it's a joke. I like to speculate.

[lionking]

They will be believable and detailed and well-written. And totally absurd. Yet I know most people will believe them. I am open to suggestions.

and there r things unbelievable if you told them, but are taking place and took place.