Post by lazarusty on Jan 31, 2007 19:50:32 GMT -4
Fresh evidence suggests the group never happened.
The music world was shaken like a pair of maracas this week at the revelation that popular beat combo group, the Beatles, may never have happened.
Evidence uncovered by pop historian Professor Cyril B. Cheeky (and detailed in his new book 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Lie - Why The Beatles Never Existed And Anyone Who Says Otherwise Is A Stinking Liar') points to the Liverpudlian group's existence being faked by the Government. He theorises that in the early sixties Britain looked set to lose the race with the Soviets to be the first country to put a popular beat combo on the map, and faked the creation of the Beatles to trick the world and save face.
Professor Cheeky believes that the events of February 7th 1964 (when the world watched the Beatles land on America soil) were faked. As he points out in his book, no scientific tests have ever taken place to prove conclusively that the soil the band brought back is definitely American.
Cheeky's strongest evidence for the conspiracy lies at the very heart of Beatlemania - the screaming girls who supposedly greeted the 'Fab Four' whenever they appeared in public. 'Factual' accounts would suggest that hundreds of teenage girls participated in these screaming welcomes wherever the group went. However, despite interviewing thousands of teenage girls up and down the country over the last six months the pop historian found that not a single one had ever screamed at the Beatles.
The professor met with NoiseMonkey to demonstrate further video evidence of the conspiracy behind the Beatles. Footage of the Beatles supposedly performing on 'the Ed Sullivan Show' on February 9th 1964 is full of discrepancies that shout out to the keen-eyed sceptic as loud as Brian Blessed at a shouting competition:
"Just look at the way Ringo's hair moves as he hits those drums. Its rippling and waving around a bit, almost as if blown by the wind. BUT THERE WAS NEVER ANY WIND ALLOWED IN THE 'THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW' STUDIO," said Professor Cheeky in big capital letters, "Ed was allergic to wind. However, financial records for the BBC from that period show that there was no budget for draught-excluders. Clearly this performance is taking place in a studio somewhere in London. Clearly."
Sgt Pepper, the Eggman, and the Walrus were all unavailable for comment.
- Noisy Monkey
The music world was shaken like a pair of maracas this week at the revelation that popular beat combo group, the Beatles, may never have happened.
Evidence uncovered by pop historian Professor Cyril B. Cheeky (and detailed in his new book 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Lie - Why The Beatles Never Existed And Anyone Who Says Otherwise Is A Stinking Liar') points to the Liverpudlian group's existence being faked by the Government. He theorises that in the early sixties Britain looked set to lose the race with the Soviets to be the first country to put a popular beat combo on the map, and faked the creation of the Beatles to trick the world and save face.
Professor Cheeky believes that the events of February 7th 1964 (when the world watched the Beatles land on America soil) were faked. As he points out in his book, no scientific tests have ever taken place to prove conclusively that the soil the band brought back is definitely American.
Cheeky's strongest evidence for the conspiracy lies at the very heart of Beatlemania - the screaming girls who supposedly greeted the 'Fab Four' whenever they appeared in public. 'Factual' accounts would suggest that hundreds of teenage girls participated in these screaming welcomes wherever the group went. However, despite interviewing thousands of teenage girls up and down the country over the last six months the pop historian found that not a single one had ever screamed at the Beatles.
The professor met with NoiseMonkey to demonstrate further video evidence of the conspiracy behind the Beatles. Footage of the Beatles supposedly performing on 'the Ed Sullivan Show' on February 9th 1964 is full of discrepancies that shout out to the keen-eyed sceptic as loud as Brian Blessed at a shouting competition:
"Just look at the way Ringo's hair moves as he hits those drums. Its rippling and waving around a bit, almost as if blown by the wind. BUT THERE WAS NEVER ANY WIND ALLOWED IN THE 'THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW' STUDIO," said Professor Cheeky in big capital letters, "Ed was allergic to wind. However, financial records for the BBC from that period show that there was no budget for draught-excluders. Clearly this performance is taking place in a studio somewhere in London. Clearly."
Sgt Pepper, the Eggman, and the Walrus were all unavailable for comment.
- Noisy Monkey
