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Jokes
Sept 30, 2005 17:07:09 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Sept 30, 2005 17:07:09 GMT -4
Hello let us share some jokes Once, the three prophits Moses , Muhammad and Jesus were driving in the heaven. Moses was driving too fast so the angel told him:stop, you can't drive so fastly in heaven. Muhammad was driving also too fast, so , again, the angel stopped him and said: it is forbidden to drive in such a speed in heaven. However, Jesus was driving too fast , but the angel wouldn't stop him. Moses and Muhammad were angry. "Why didn't you stop Jesus?" they asked the angel. The angel said:"no way, he is the son of the president" (Homs is a place in Syria, ppl always joke about the stupidity of ppl there, so here you go) once, a Homsy took a pic near a donkey and send it to his parents. He wrote on it: "I am the one to the right" There was a Homsy in a zoo. He wanted to play with the bear, so he entered his head between the bars. All ppl started screaming. He told them:"what? are you afraid that I would eat him?" There werewasps flying all over in Homs. One of them landed on the head of man. His friend brought a gun and started firing haphazardly on the head of that man. That man was dead, so ppl told him: what have you done? you have killed your friend. He answered:"doesn't matter, one from them(the wasps) and one from us" Once a beautiful woman was stuck in the street bcz her car was not working. A Homsi came and fixed the car. She asked him what does he want in return and he said: nothing. She told him: do I pull my clothes? He said: no, they don't fit on me How does a Homsi kill a fish? A: he drawns it == to be continued
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Jokes
Oct 1, 2005 6:01:04 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 1, 2005 6:01:04 GMT -4
What is the common factor between a smart Homsi and dinosaurs? Both of them are extinct Why does the Homsi take with him a ladder and a stick to the beach? If the sun, hits him, he would go up to hit it. Why does a Homsi put 2 televisions below each other? to see the legs of the jounalist . Come on, share some jokes. You are too serious at this forum bye
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Al Johnston
"Cheer up!" they said, "It could be worse!" So I did, and it was.
Posts: 1,453
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Jokes
Oct 1, 2005 12:02:38 GMT -4
Post by Al Johnston on Oct 1, 2005 12:02:38 GMT -4
After you ;D
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Jokes
Oct 1, 2005 14:07:33 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 1, 2005 14:07:33 GMT -4
This is a good joke.
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Jokes
Oct 1, 2005 15:11:56 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 1, 2005 15:11:56 GMT -4
Warning... Homsi Virus !!! DEAR RECEIVER, You have just received a Syrian Homsi virus. Since we are not so technologically advanced in Syria, I am a MANUAL virus. You have to help me because I can't do every thing by my self. "Please delete all the files on your hard disk by yourself and send this mail to everyone you know". Thank you very much for helping me. Homsi Virus ======================= When men went oto the moon (supposedly ), two old men were speaking. "Do you think they went to the moon"? the other said:"don't worry! when it becomes half a moon, they will fall down ======= Come on, you have jokes about the blonds in America don't you. share them with me
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Jokes
Oct 1, 2005 15:33:43 GMT -4
Post by margamatix on Oct 1, 2005 15:33:43 GMT -4
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew, who were walking among the rocks.
The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people:
"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.
So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:
"Watch out for these fellows! They have come to steal your land."
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golfhobo
Venus
DAMN! That woulda gone in the hole IF....
Posts: 86
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Jokes
Oct 1, 2005 17:49:31 GMT -4
Post by golfhobo on Oct 1, 2005 17:49:31 GMT -4
One day a Chip (CA Hiway Patrol) pulled a car over. In the back seat were two penguins. The officer told the driver he would have to take the penguins to the zoo, then let the driver go. Next day the Chip pulls the same car over and is astonished to find the two penguins still in the back seat, this time dressed in swimwear and sunglasses. He asked the driver, "Hey! Didn't I tell you to take these penguins to the zoo?" "I did!" the man replied. "Today we're going to the beach!"
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 2:32:35 GMT -4
Post by Kiwi on Oct 2, 2005 2:32:35 GMT -4
A few of us have posted real-life jokes in this thread at BAUT: www.bautforum.com/showthread.php?t=18178However, readers who don't have a good understanding of the Apollo missions and the people involved may not understand some of them.
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golfhobo
Venus
DAMN! That woulda gone in the hole IF....
Posts: 86
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 4:44:41 GMT -4
Post by golfhobo on Oct 2, 2005 4:44:41 GMT -4
A Blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 5:15:16 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 2, 2005 5:15:16 GMT -4
Kiwi , you don't have a good sense of humour don't you?
Once, a man pretending to be blind was begging, one man approached him and said: I will give you money, but how do I make sure you are blind? the man answered, : come near, do you see that tree, to the right of the car. The man said: yes. The beggerreplied: but i don't see it.
Once a driver did an accident and was interrogated. The accident killed soldiers standing on a chech point, so he was asked how the accident happened. He said: I have a valley infront of me, and and the car couldn't get stopped. The soldiers were in front of me. Do I go to the valley and kill all the riders? or I just kill the two soldiers? They said: you just kill the soldiers. He replied: I hit one soldier, the other one ran, so I followed him.
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 6:12:37 GMT -4
Post by Count Zero on Oct 2, 2005 6:12:37 GMT -4
Two blondes walked into a building.
You'd think one of them would have seen it.
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 7:03:38 GMT -4
Post by Data Cable on Oct 2, 2005 7:03:38 GMT -4
Two telepaths walk into a bar. The 2nd one says, "I'll have the same."
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 7:24:52 GMT -4
Post by margamatix on Oct 2, 2005 7:24:52 GMT -4
A white horse walks into a bar. The barman says "We've got a whisky named after you". The horse says "You've got a whisky called Eric?"
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golfhobo
Venus
DAMN! That woulda gone in the hole IF....
Posts: 86
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 11:08:30 GMT -4
Post by golfhobo on Oct 2, 2005 11:08:30 GMT -4
Lordoftherings: I am very new to this forum. You are newer. So, I'm going to watch my words very carefully. You indicated, I believe, that you are from Syria? Or spent alot of time there? That's fine. I believe you are an Arab. That is fine. Your English is much better than my Arabic. I like learning jokes from other countries. But, I think this last joke of yours about killing soldiers (of any nationality) at a checkpoint, is in VERY bad taste when we in America have lost 2,000 of our best young men and women - many of them being blown up or run down at checkpoints - by Arabs.
Please refrain from anymore of this type of joke.
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Al Johnston
"Cheer up!" they said, "It could be worse!" So I did, and it was.
Posts: 1,453
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 14:25:46 GMT -4
Post by Al Johnston on Oct 2, 2005 14:25:46 GMT -4
A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre.
So the barman gave her one.
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