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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 15:11:49 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 2, 2005 15:11:49 GMT -4
Lordoftherings: I am very new to this forum. You are newer. So, I'm going to watch my words very carefully. You indicated, I believe, that you are from Syria? Or spent alot of time there? That's fine. I believe you are an Arab. That is fine. Your English is much better than my Arabic. I like learning jokes from other countries. But, I think this last joke of yours about killing soldiers (of any nationality) at a checkpoint, is in VERY bad taste when we in America have lost 2,000 of our best young men and women - many of them being blown up or run down at checkpoints - by Arabs. Please refrain from anymore of this type of joke. I guess you understood that this joke was about a suicide attack which is totally wrong. I meant by a checkpoint is a place where soldiers stand to make the vans pass and check them , not necessarily on borders. The guy here was just an ordinary driver who had his van malfunctioning. He is stupid, so he thought that killing two is better than killing all the van riders.by the way I am not sure I heard soldiers in the initial joke, I think they were just passers-by. I am Lebanese and not Syrian, but ppl in the region tell jokes about the Homsis, even the Syrians. I EXPRESS MY EXTREME APPOLOGIES IF I HEARTED ANYONE'S FEELINGS. i SWEAR IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE THAT WAY. Please accept my regrets. I will keep in mind such things when I joke. thanks and sorry again.
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 15:23:44 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 2, 2005 15:23:44 GMT -4
Why does the horse always win the race against the donkey, except in Homs, where the donkey wins the race? bcz in Homs, the donkey is playing on his land and between his encouragors Once, an elephant told his wife the ant that he wants to divorce her. She replied: and what do I do with the elephant in my belly? Once, a Homsi did a blood test. He failed in it. Once a drug addict was on a mountain and a religious man approached. The religious man asked: which hour does God prefer for prayer. The addict said: I think CITIZEN A Homsi and another one were siting in a bus. The Homsi next to the opened window. The man told him: I am cold from the window. He replied: I am Mr.X from Homs.
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golfhobo
Venus
DAMN! That woulda gone in the hole IF....
Posts: 86
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 15:24:59 GMT -4
Post by golfhobo on Oct 2, 2005 15:24:59 GMT -4
Apology and explanation accepted. Subject dropped. Feelings intact. Thank you.
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 4:17:29 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 3, 2005 4:17:29 GMT -4
Welcome golfhobo. Homsis wanted to go to the sun. Interviewer asked them: wouldn't you get burnt? They replied: Do you think we are going at midday? we will wait until night Homsi scientists did an experiment on a frog. The pulled its first leg and told it to jump and it jumped. The second leg, and it jumped. pulled the third and told it to jump, and it still jumped. When they pulled its fourth leg and told it to jump, it didn't. Theyy recorded it as a scientific fact that when you pull all the legs of a frog, it will become deaf. At judgement day, prophit Muhammad told God: please enter my ppl to heaven. Gabriel said no, they can't go. Prophit asked: didn't you come to me and tell me the message to deliver, and that my ppl shall enter heaven. Gabriel said: no. The prophit started to cry. Gabriel approached him and said: we were kidding you. Say Hi to the hidden camera out there (Bashir Aljimayyil was a former Lebanese president during the civil war. He fought the Palestinians and was believed to be killed by the Syrians) * When Bashir AlJmayyil died, he went up. Jeus said, you may not go to heaven. Bashir said: why? I have defended the christians, your ppl. But the answer was still no. He went to Saint Maroon, a Syrian saint followed by the Maronites. The answer was still no. Why? I defended the Maonites, your ppl, but the answer was still no. He went to hell, to the devil and asked why he was refused. The devil told him: grow up, one is Palestinian and the other is Syrian, do you want them to let you enter heaven? Rafic=friend When former prime Minister Rafic harir died this year, the Homsis wondered: if the friend (Rafic) of harir died and the Lebanese are that sad, what would they do if Hariri himself died? The Homsis , supporting the Lebanese demonstrations for Syria pull-out, did a demonstration for Syrian pull-out out of Homs.... That's it for now.
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 12:16:29 GMT -4
Post by LunarOrbit on Oct 3, 2005 12:16:29 GMT -4
Maybe something is lost in translation, LOTR, but I don't find your jokes funny at all. Sorry.
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 12:29:10 GMT -4
Post by gwiz on Oct 3, 2005 12:29:10 GMT -4
Maybe if we knew what homsis meant, we could tell if the jokes violate Rule 1.
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 14:14:37 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 3, 2005 14:14:37 GMT -4
Same with me, I don't find the others jokes funny at all, except margamatix's one were it was clear to me. That should tell something about difference in cultures. As for the homsis, I have explained before that Homs is a place in Syria and ppl , including Syrians themselves, joke about the stupidity of ppl there.
Now I find it funny that if the Homsis want to kill a fish, the drown it in water (as they drown humans in water to suffocate). I don't know, maybe that is not funny to other cultures. Wouldn't your jokes be funny to you, you wouldn't have said them. This applies to us too. Maybe afterall you didn't get my point bcz of language barrier.
let me explain a few: Homsis wanted to go to the sun. Interviewer asked them: wouldn't you get burnt? They replied: Do you think we are going at midday? we will wait until night that means they think that the sun stops burning at night.
Why does the horse always win the race against the donkey, except in Homs, where the donkey wins the race? bcz in Homs, the donkey is playing on his land and between his encouragors
That means the donkey is on its land, its own land of donkeys, and between its own encouragors (ppl like him)
I am not that surprized that you don't find them funny. My friend lives in Canada and when she comes here, she tell me jokes that are silliest things I have ever heard. I feel I want to laugh at their silliness. Again, this experience should tell us something about cultural differences
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 14:26:37 GMT -4
Post by LunarOrbit on Oct 3, 2005 14:26:37 GMT -4
I guess "Homsis jokes" are equivalent to Canadian "Newfie jokes" (newfies are people who live in Newfoundland), but I just don't find jokes that insult people based solely on where they live very funny. There are stupid people everywhere so there's no point in singling out any particular group.
Also, I think that maybe if people in Lebenon weren't telling insulting jokes about people in Syria (or vice versa) there might be less hostility in the area. Just a thought.
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Al Johnston
"Cheer up!" they said, "It could be worse!" So I did, and it was.
Posts: 1,453
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 14:32:42 GMT -4
Post by Al Johnston on Oct 3, 2005 14:32:42 GMT -4
I imagine the nearest equivalent would be the "Irish" joke in English (which I've heard are told about Poles in the USA and the inhabitants of County Kerry in Ireland). They're not terribly fashionable at the moment and some were obnoxiously offensive.
A similar experience to this thread appeared on the UK 1980's comedy show Not the Nine O'Clock News, in a sketch where an intelligent Gorilla (named "Gerald") appeared on a chat show:
"... you know we tell the same [Irish] jokes about Orang-Utans: for example, have you heard the one about the Orang-Utan who ate a pomegranate with the banana?"
<total silence>
"Well, it loses a lot in translation..."
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 14:54:34 GMT -4
Post by lordoftherings on Oct 3, 2005 14:54:34 GMT -4
but I just don't find jokes that insult people based solely on where they live very funny.
Let me tell you that once a Homsi lady came here to try her voice and sing infront of a Lebanese singer to be evaluated. The first thing he asked her to do is to tell a joke to the camera about the Homsis. and she did and laughed a lot. They themselves don't take it as an insult, just the idea of the joke and the way stupidity is demonstrated. No one feels hurt or insulted from those jokes. they are taken with innocense, and everybody laughs at them. Sometimes jokes are told about the Lebanese that they are showoffs and jealous from each other...I don't feel hurt. I don't know why you ppl out there take a joke, even a joke, and think about it. I am sure you have never yet heard the heavier jokes, which I will not post at all.
Al Johnston, I think you are right that translation makes the joke loose its meaning.
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 17:44:55 GMT -4
Post by echnaton on Oct 3, 2005 17:44:55 GMT -4
Homsis wanted to go to the sun. Interviewer asked them: wouldn't you get burnt? They replied: Do you think we are going at midday? we will wait until night
Part of the reason that some don’t find them funny is that they are rather old jokes. My dad told me this as an Aggie* joke 35 years ago, when I was 10. Old jokes combined with some unusual wording tend to lose their punch. I tend to like golfhobo’s jokes because of the word play in them, something that is very hard to write or understand for a person that is not a native speaker. Its not anyone’s fault that is just the way humor is.
* An Aggie is a student or graduate of Texas A&M University. It gained its reputation as a dullards college because of its initial focus on agriculture and the fact that it was founded as a military college. Aggies like my father, typically don’t take offence, but have developed good retorts. TAMU is now a quality tier one research university with a great tradition that many schools lack.
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Bob B.
Bob the Excel Guru?
Posts: 3,072
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 18:01:44 GMT -4
Post by Bob B. on Oct 3, 2005 18:01:44 GMT -4
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 19:13:37 GMT -4
Post by Kiwi on Oct 3, 2005 19:13:37 GMT -4
I tend to like golfhobo’s jokes because of the word play in them, something that is very hard to write or understand for a person that is not a native speaker. Its not anyone’s fault that is just the way humor is. I prefer the more clever jokes too, and certainly not crude or offensive or put-down jokes, and particularly dislike hurtful or embarrassing practical jokes. Teenage males and the not-so-bright often think nothing of hurting or making someone uncomfortable "just for a laugh." That's lowdown behaviour to me. I particularly like the astronaut jokes referenced in reply No. 7, but I gave a warning too. Most of them are "in" jokes or have a clever twist and those who don't know much about Apollo wouldn't understand them. That's probably the real reason that Kiwi , you don't have a good sense of humour don't you? which isn't true.
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Jokes
Oct 3, 2005 19:20:14 GMT -4
Post by Kiwi on Oct 3, 2005 19:20:14 GMT -4
HORACE
Much to his Mum and Dad's dismay Horace ate himself one day. He didn't stop to say his grace, He just sat down and ate his face.
"We can't have this," his Dad declared, "That lad's eight, he should be shared." But even as he spoke they saw Horace eating more and more.
First his legs and then his thighs, His arms, his nose, his hair and his eyes. "Stop him, someone," Mother cried, "Those eyeballs would be better fried." But all too late, for they were gone And now he'd started on his dong. "Oh, foolish child," the father mourned, "You should've deep-fried that with prawns. Some parsley and some tartare sauce." But Horace was on his second course.
His liver, his lights and his lungs, His ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue. "To think I raised him from the cot And now he's gone and scoffed the lot."
His mother cried, "What shall we do? What's even left won't make a stew." And as she wept her son was seen To eat his head, his heart and his spleen.
And there he lay, a boy no more, Just a stomach on the floor. Nonetheless, since it was his They ate it — that's what haggis is.
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Al Johnston
"Cheer up!" they said, "It could be worse!" So I did, and it was.
Posts: 1,453
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Jokes
Oct 4, 2005 2:29:05 GMT -4
Post by Al Johnston on Oct 4, 2005 2:29:05 GMT -4
And now for something completely different... ;D
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